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fantasia2000Have you seen Fantasia 2000?   I haven’t watched it for a while because we have it on VHS and need a new VHS player.  It would be fun to get it on DVD and watch it on a big screen.  Disney created animated sequences to interpret some well-known classical music.  It’s imaginative and visually stunning at times!  The last song/sequence is the very best in my opinion – breathtaking!

At any rate, several celebrities host, giving intros between the segments on a set with an orchestra seated around them.  One of the funniest is Steve Martin who tells us he is going to play a magnificent violin solo in the next piece, but then accidentally flips his bow up in the air and flying into the seats behind him.  We realize he can’t play violin and the camera starts panning away from Steve, who says, “Camera back on me.  Camera back on me.  Camera…” as the camera fades away unwilling to give Martin the attention he wants so desperately.

I’ve been realizing lately that there are so many ways I maybe saying “eyes on me” or “camera back on me”.  I even think part of the appeal of facebook (or – yikes – even blogging) is the attention I receive from others.  Is that a bad thing?  I guess not completely, but if I’m going to be truly humble and consumed with love for God I should be seeking ways to forget myself.  I think it’s subconscious at times – we all want to be noticed and liked.  We enjoy admiration and attention.  Balance is key.  There are other reasons why I enjoy both of those things – being connected to my friends and family, seeing photos of them and their families, and just plain fun.  I love to blog because I love writing out my feelings and the things I’m learning.  I always hope maybe it will encourage someone to see that they’re not alone – that there’s someone else learning similar lessons or walking with them on this narrow path.

In my roles as a pastor’s wife, worship leader, mom, wife, greeter at church, whatever, I have to be careful that I do what I do for the right reasons.  Am I serving at church so that others will think well of me or because I love God so much and want unbelievers to come to know Him?  Am I playing and singing passionately because of my gratitude and love for God or because I want to stir up emotion, to have people think I’m a good worship leader?  Do I regret our lack of baptisms lately because so many people are lost or because it makes us look bad, like we’re not doing a good job as pastors or as a church?   These are ouchy questions, but I think God wants me to ask them of myself.

Jesus is saying “Eyes on me, eyes on me”.

Not to us, O Lord, not to us,
but to your name goes all the glory
for your unfailing love and faithfulness.  Psalm 115:1  NLT

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