In the words of my daughter Kaitlin this evening, after we attended camp meeting and I only saw two people I know (!) “Mom, times, they are a changin’ “. What a true statement. It’s especially true for me as a mom of three teenagers.
It used to be that wherever I went during the day or on the weekends, all three girls piled into the car or van with me, we’d listen to music, sing, laugh, be silly and pal around. Nowadays they’re usually at work, busy, out with friends, texting friends and boyfriends, on a date, or otherwise occupied. We have a lot fewer dinners around the table when everyone is present. It used to always be the “Klotzfive” out on the town. Now sometimes it’s the “Klotzfour” “Klotzthree” or…gasp…”Klotztwo” – me and John! Today I went to the pool by myself and had to talk myself out of a pity party. I need to work on some other friendships because the times I’ve had with my girls as my companions and buddies is changing and dwindling as I type! It’s supposed to be this way – I know that. It’s just hitting me harder this week for some reason.
It used to be that practically whatever I added to the banter when we joked around brought belly laughs and made me cooler in their eyes. I was hilarious. Now I get rolled eyes, smirks or comments like, “Mom stop” even if we’re the only ones around! My jokes are becoming more and more dorky as the seconds click by. Aw man. I still love to try. I still throw my corny comments in and hope for a genuine giggle. Even my mannerisms have become fodder for “loving” ridicule. I just can’t be cool anymore!
I was so proud of myself for not being emotional earlier this summer as I went with Kimmi to her college sign-up weekend and all. “Not gonna cry or be emotional. I’m too cool a mom for that. I’m just being supportive and happy for her. Yup.” Well the last few days I’ve felt pretty doggoned emotional. She wants to leave. Of course, I remember wanting to leave, but this is different….I’m the one being left! Humor me as I wallow for a moment and type this post. In a way I’m losing my
buddies. I know they’ll be back, in a different way, but things are never going to be the same for us – for me and my girls. They’ll probably be better, right?
I have a feeling my girls don’t know how cool they are in my eyes. They probably don’t hear my heart swell as I watch them and thank God for these dark-haired, tender-hearted beauties he entrusted to John and me. They don’t realize that they’re three of the best friends I’ve had as we’ve “grown up” together. Sometimes I couldn’t be the friend and just had to be mom, of course, but their friendship has blessed me.
I’m really close to my mom and often think, as I’m talking to her on the phone or spending time with her, that I sure hope my girls and I will be as close and they’ll want to keep sharing their lives with me. And…hopefully someday there will be some mini Kimmis, Kaitlins and Kristines that come along and I can be the cool grandma that makes them laugh and pals around with them. That would be too wonderful for words. Life is change and change is good. Things definitely are “a changin'” but that’s okay. It’s meant to be this way. Lord, help me adjust and let go like I’m supposed to. Just please send them back to me in the next phase of this adventure.