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POTM_2008_03WinterBlahsThe last few nights I’ve slept restlessly.  I don’t know if it’s because our mattress is on the floor right now (we threw out our box springs in the bed bug fiasco this summer), if I’m thinking about a lot of things, or what.

I think it’s the latter of those:  lots of things on my mind.  Maybe if I type them out I’ll feel better.  Sure – why not unload them on you?  Just kidding.  If you don’t mind “listening” here goes:

Almost two years ago when we moved into our townhouse we were following the Dave Ramsey plan religiously.  It was hard but we actually had “financial peace” because we were saving little bits for the things ahead, we were using cash for purchases and basically living within our means.  Well we gradually floated away from those strict guidelines and so now are scrambling to get back to that financially peaceful state.  Pile on a few more expenses and concerns and the trip back is becoming a little more taxing and stressful for me.  Kimmi’s going to college next week, our short-term tenants are moving out of our Hazelwood house next week, we’ve had those unexpected repairs and other expenses that always turn up so now the savings is back to square one (zero), and it goes on.  This is not unlike so many others, though, I know that!  I also know God’s always provided for us.  Why is it, then, that in the meantime I allow myself to get so anxious?  I’m not trusting fully today.  I’m also kicking myself for not sticking with the plan – we would be better off at this point.  The guilt is pretty heavy – as this is a subject I struggle with all the time!

It’s just one of those days – I feel emotional and quiet.  Quiet is okay.  Emotions are okay but I am asking God to settle me down.  I want His amazing peace, like a hot towel fresh out of the dryer wrapped around me to ease the chill of guilt, pressure, and uncertainty.  I remember one of my life verses in Philippians 4 and recall the well-known and wonderful advice from Paul to lay my needs before God, be thankful, and know He’ll take care of me and my family.  Oh – and rejoicing.  How do you rejoice when you feel down and emotional?  That’s a puzzler.  If I intentionally think about how good God is, how He blesses, try to think above earthly/material things and rise up to an eternal perspective it gets easier.  Rejoicing doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re jumping up and down with a big smile on your face like a middle school cheerleader.  The word rejoice means “to be glad about”.  I can be glad in many things and remember that even if all I had – ALL I had – was God, I would have enough and I could be glad.  Well I DO have God!  I have more than enough in my life…and I AM glad.

Thanks for “listening”.

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.   Psalm 16:8-9  NLT