Just a few recent thoughts…
Last week I went through an awful day of emotion and wrestling with God over the possibility of going to a town or church where I didn’t want to go, where I didn’t think I would be happy, where it wasn’t my “style.” As I vented to him all the way driving to work, I pretty much heard him say, “So, are you saying you refuse to go if I ask you to go there? You refuse to obey?” I remembered that if God’s promises are true, and I believe they are, then going where He says to go will be good in the long run because He promised He has good plans for me and my family. I also remembered, with his help, that this is not about me! How many times do I have to learn that lesson? Sheesh. I’m sure that is what He is wondering, too. Just when I think I’ve learned all about surrender, God takes me to a deeper level. It hurts and it’s hard. It was a difficult, emotional day but it ended in peace when I finally, in my heart, submitted to Him and said “Uncle” once more. Whatever you say, God. Seriously. I give. I joked with a good friend that afternoon that sometimes surrender feels like the “S” word to me. I don’t mean that disrespectfully, just being honest. Sometimes it stinks (at least it seems to at the moment). My friend asked, “so what you’re telling me is you’re standing in a big pile of surrender right now?” We laughed really hard and the day got better from there.
I’ve been thinking more about loving people in their own love language. Lately God’s been showing me how to love my girls in the way that shows love to them the most. I’m still trying to figure out one of my girls – I think I know but am not sure. The other two – I’ve got them nailed. John and I took assessments this past year and one was the love language profile. One of my big love languages right now is “acts of service”. When someone helps me with something it makes me feel loved. I also love hugs and attention and words of affirmation but at this point in my life, acts of service speak loud and clear. Once John found out, he’s been helping more around the house and showing more thoughtfulness…and you know what? It’s true! I feel so loved and valued by him, more than before. The biggest reason is that I know he’s doing those things purposefully to show me love, knowing it means something to me. John’s biggest love languages are touch and time. I’ve been trying harder to pay attention to him when we’re at home and not get too absorbed in the computer or other things that I just exist in the same house or room with him. What are the love languages of the special people in your life? Try to find out and then show them love that way. Watch what happens!
Yesterday I blogged about this wonderful time of rest God is giving us and how good it felt. Well, today, I felt restless and kind of weird. Pesky, fickle emotions! I think sometimes we rest out of obedience. God actually tells us to rest and we need to obey, on purpose, and rest…be still. I feel like He’s telling me that today. Rest, be still, but don’t just sit there…draw nearer to me, Mimi. I’m going to work on that. Wait…wrong choice of words. I’m going to try more intentionally to just be close, dwell near and in Jesus right now.
What funny, odd, silly creatures we humans are sometimes.
We went to see my grandma on Sunday afternoon. She was actually pretty perky, sitting up in bed, watching TV. Rather than greet us when we got there she first asked, “What channel is the game on?” So we helped her get on the right channel. She is starting to show some dementia because she asks the same questions from time to time. She joked about getting her phone and remote (both laying next to her hand on her bed) mixed up and John teased her about pointing the phone at the TV by mistake and accidentally calling someone. She laughed. At one point she said, “Too bad I don’t have any games we could play” to which I replied, “That’s okay, Grandma, we’ll just watch the game.” Then she asked us about our church situation (very coherent and sharp). John answered her as she turned back toward the TV and seemed to zone out for a moment. Then she said, “Too bad I won’t have any games for us to play, we could make one up” to which I replied, giggling to myself, “That’s okay Grandma, we’ll just watch the game.” I love her. I could just imagine what kind of game that would be. She’s become thinner and tinier, her blue cowl-neck sweater swallowing up her small shoulders and little frame, but she welcomed our hugs and kisses just as warmly and as we left said, “I love you.”
I better go to bed so I can get up and workout with my Wii coach on the game “Active” which is my new favorite thing. This simulated personal trainer business reminds me of stuff I saw in Tomorrowland at Disney World when I was younger and thought “Yeah, right, that will never happen.” 🙂
You’re special and God loves you very much. Good night.