I never thought I’d be saying this but sometimes, especially in this past year, I really look forward to the day when my girls are out on their own and I’m not responsible to discipline and guide them so tangibly every single day. It makes me tired. One of them in particular is high maintenance and requires lots of checking up on, keeping on her back, reminding about obedience and respect, and it goes on and on. After so many years in our home I thought maybe she would know these things a little better by now. Sheesh!!
As I sit and type I’m thinking about my own self and my heavenly Father. How I admire his patience. Oh my. I am no better than her in my slowness to really learn the things he’s been teaching me for years. I want to be better, I want to please Him. I just mess up, or get lazy, or mouth off sometimes.
God, please move in the heart of my daughters. With your Spirit, draw them close, open their hearts to you for real so they will allow you to transform them and change the way they think and behave. I can only do so much and feel such a failure right now….or at least sorely inadequate.
Thank you for being patient with me. You’re going to have to instill some of that patience in me right now so I can parent with grace and not anger, with wisdom and not impulsive reaction from emotion. I’m such an emotional person – that last part is a real challenge for me. Alleviate my fears somehow that my daughter won’t grow up loving you like I wish she would. At least give me the grace to trust you more so I won’t be afraid. She has to make her choices. I guess I’m not responsible for those choices but it sure feels that way.
I love her. I want a good life for her. I want her to know You because that will be the absolute best path for her to take. I hope and pray she will realize that and choose…and soon!
God, I love You. Thank you for being my father and for teaching me over and over, giving me a clean slate every day, not holding my past mistakes against me, and telling me that with You I can do it…whatever is ahead of me.
No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:11