The cold I’ve been fighting is of the obstinate, lingering kind and so I’ve not felt like blogging or doing much conversing for the last week or so. That is definitely NOT usually my nature. I’m a verbal processor to the core. I need to talk to people when I’m working through thoughts, making decisions, questioning and trying to figure something out, brainstorming -you name it, I need to talk about it. So I’m going to “talk” through some thoughts to get them out, lay them in front of me so they become more manageable. When they’re rolling around inside they bang on the walls of my heart, making a lot of noise that distracts me and drowns out the voice of Jesus, the voice I’m desperate to hear.
Kimmi, our oldest, is home from college and living with us again for a few weeks. She and her sister are going to rent an apartment for the summer but won’t move in until June. We’ve all realized that this is a unique time for our family: once they move out, they probably won’t live with us again. Now that is something to process! Wow. And since we’re most likely moving out-of-state, our home will have to be the relationships we have with each other because they won’t have a house with which to associate “home”. It is really good to have her home and it’s been nice to go back to the five-people-in-the-family dynamic for a little while.
Change is all around and I’m a little uncomfortable anticipating it. I keep reminding myself that change is life, life is change. If something is not changing and growing it is dying. So it is with our souls and life. Rather than wishing I could fast-forward about six months from now and just be settled wherever it is we’re going to land with a new job already obtained and a budget rolling in place (I have wished that very hard these last few weeks) I need to just keep stepping into each day submitting to God and drawing close to Him. Is being settled ever on the horizon for us? I sure hope so! “Trust, surrender and accept, Mimi,” I keep telling myself.
We’re creatures of habit aren’t we? This crazy human race we belong to. The parking lot of the office building where I work has two entrances from the main street. The one closest to me as I arrive at work each day has been closed for about a year due to construction and red tape issues with telephone poles or something like that. At any rate, I’ve become so accustomed to driving farther and taking the next entrance that even though the closer road is now open I find myself driving it by it and taking the other road, simply because I’m so used to that right now. When I did that yesterday I thought about how sometimes, just because we’re so used to doing something a certain way, we enter auto-pilot mode and don’t notice, recognize or accept an easier or better way that opens up right in front of us. Habits are hard to break, but if I focus intentionally on taking the newly re-opened road before long I’ll have a new and more efficient habit. Food for thought.
This is getting really long. I’ll process some more in another post. 🙂 I told you a lot was clunking around in my head and heart.