I feel like I’ve been holding in my little hands things and dreams I expected to keep or have, even prayers answered the way I think they should be. I also feel like God has been reaching down with His big daddy hands, grasping mine and shaking them so I’ll let go of the stuff I think is good but He knows is not what I really need or want. I remember when my girls were very young, shaking their chubby little hands at times to make them let go of something, like handfuls of dirt or some other yucky thing they were about to put into their mouth.
God’s thoughts really are upside-down to mine so many times, or at least they seem that way. What I’m learning and trying to grasp is that the ache I feel deepest in my heart, the ache present in each of us, is Him: to be close to Him, to know Him, to experience His love. I believe He intends to give me what I truly want and need by helping me let go of the things of this world, stuff that will never meet that need. He lets disappointments come and dreams shatter sometimes so I’ll let go and then He can give me a bigger, better dream, although it may look completely different from what I would have thought.
I’m still processing this. I think, as Christians, we’ve gotten waaaaay off base with our way of thinking when it comes to this temporary life on earth. We put our hope in so many temporary things and then wonder why it hurts so much when we’re let down or still hungry inside. We feel entitled to a nice house, cars that run, good health, a loving family and friends, and more. It’s God’s job to provide those things for us as our heavenly Father right?
Can I live with expectancy instead of expectations? I daily need to let God gently shake my hands and make me let go of whatever I’m holding at the moment…then I need to not pick it up again but wait. Each day, each moment offers me the choice to trust and surrender or stubbornly squeeze my hands tighter. Do I trust that God really loves me and is good? Do I really believe He’s inviting me to something better, something much more meaningful and fulfilling than what I think of? Do you? Prove it. Let go.
God, the one and only— I’ll wait as long as he says.
Everything I need comes from him,
so why not? Psalm 62:1-2 The Message