Being an emotional person who also relies on music heavily to connect with and communicate to God, I love the book of Psalms. Many of them were written by David, who was called a man after God’s own heart. You’d think that might mean that they only contain words of praise, thanks, and adulation but actually there is heartfelt, not so happy honesty there, too. David doesn’t pull any punches when it comes to expressing how he really feels at the moment, even almost accusing God of turning his back on him, refusing to answer him, or abandoning him. However, at the end of each oneDavid returns to hope and praise. Psalm 13 is one of my favorite “gut honest” poems David wrote:
O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever?
How long will you look the other way?
How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
with sorrow in my heart every day?
How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
But I trust in your unfailing love.
I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
I will sing to the Lord
because he is good to me.
There is a pattern in so many of the psalms of that very thing, a pouring out of the heart followed by a resolve to keep faith and trust in God.
Reading the Psalms has helped me to learn that I can be completely honest with God. He knows my heart so there’s no use hiding and one might even argue you don’t need to tell him how you feel since he already knows. However, for some reason healing and peace result whenever I verbalize it to Him. Maybe it’s the acknowledgment of my true thoughts and feelings, the admitting to rebellion, anger or stubbornness, the confessing of disappointments or hurt feelings, confusion and questions. At any rate, whenever I do this and bare myself completely in the presence of my Papa, I never feel that He’s angry, or surprised, or uncaring. Instead I feel He understands, He listens, and in a way puts his arm around me while I cry or shout, then waits for me to come around to a point of acceptance, trust and even praise again.
My youngest has written a few songs lately and one of them reminds me of a modern-day psalm. I asked her if I could share the lyrics with you and she said “yes.” Our family is facing a move, likely in the near future, and that prompted this song.
You broke a promise last night
You said you’d never make me leave my home again
Keep saying it’ll be alright
You know I love it when you tell these lies
Hello, my bitter friend, hello,
I see that you’ve come back again
“Let go” the words you whisper in my ear,
I know, it’s time to change, it’s time to grow
Someone hold me back I’m ’bout to fight,
and try to keep you from my life, my life,
Why bring up this thought at such a time,
a time like this when life was fine, just fine.
Hello, don’t break my heart, hello,
you swore not to tear me apart
“Give in” the words you scream right in my face,
I know God’s plans for me aren’t in this place.
Hello, a brand new start, hello
I offer you my withered heart
“Hold on” the words ring in my ear “I’ve not
forgotten about you my dear”
Hello by Krissy Klotz