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Truth is…

I’ve seen that in many Facebook statuses of my younger friends.  They post something on a friend’s wall saying things like “truth is you’re my best friend and I’d be lost without you” or “truth is no one understands me like you do”, etc.

The Bible says confess to each other and you will be healed. (James 5:16)

So here goes:

Truth is I do not have it all together.

Some of you who know me may be thinking with a smirk on your face, “Tell me something I don’t already know!”

Truth is sometimes I don’t blog what’s in my heart and mind because I’m afraid it might discourage someone who goes to my church, since I’m the pastor’s wife-that they will wonder what kind of faith I have or why I have questions.  That’s probably silly, but it’s the truth.

Truth is, I have a problem with money and always have.  I have my ups and downs, times where I listen to God’s disciplining advice and times where I splurge or indulge, even in little ways that add up.  Little mismanagements here and there, overcommitments loom.

Truth is, I was putting a lot of hope into the tax refund we were expecting and hoping, in blissful denial, that the debt we were forgiven last year would be overlooked somehow and we wouldn’t receive the 1099 form from the mortgage company that would add about $20,000 to our taxable income this year.  The form came today, on January 31st.

I was disappointed to say the least.  We had so many plans for the money – not extravagant plans but savings, tires, glasses, vet visits for the wonder cats and more.

I instantly remembered the ways God has taken care of us all our lives and that putting my hope in money or “stuff” is always a dead-end, an empty hope, ultimately unfulfilling.  I know He is providing for us now and promised we would always have what we need.  We already have more than we need.

AND, the debt we were forgiven FAR outweighs the taxes we have to pay.  God gave us an incredible gift when that happened, freeing us of an incredibly heavy burden.  Thank you, God!

Krissy showed me a video this evening, a portion of a sermon by the late David Wilkerson, one of the most passionate Christ-followers in our generation.  He spoke of anguish, of sorrow over sin and over those who don’t know Jesus, of prayer and deep heart-felt cries to God.  His words convicted me of my priorities, my time on the Internet and watching TV, the time I waste so often on emptiness, on nothingness, when there is life at stake.

Sometimes the apathy or little sins pile up so gradually that before we know it we are covered over and practically buried and have no idea how we got to be that way.

We tell God, “I will do better.” But we fall.  The apostle Paul’s words churn in my own heart’s frustration – “I know what’s right but I don’t do it, or I know what I shouldn’t do but I do it anyway. What a mess I am. Who can save me from myself??” (Romans 7:23-25)

Thank God, Jesus can.  Thank God that He wants to save me and forgive me and love me.

I know for me, the point of difference is going to have to be my decision or lack thereof to spend time with God in prayer, plain and simple.  To put him first.  Even in that I need God’s help.

Truth is, I most definitely am lost without Him.

I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.  Romans 7:21-25  NLT