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I have an opportunity to speak to a group of women in a few weeks, during a spiritual retreat.  When first asked, I was honored, surprised, and then anxious.  I said I would pray about it and I did.  I also asked my mom and sister for feedback/advice, reminding them that I was not a preacher or speaker.  My mom was very encouraging as mommies are.  My sis, whom God often uses to convict me, sent me a Bible verse:

Moses pleaded with the Lord, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.”

Then the Lord asked Moses, “Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the Lord?  Now go! I will be with you as you speak, and I will instruct you in what to say.”  – Exodus 4:10-11

I replied to my sister with a “thank you very much” and accepted the task.  Of course, if you read on in that chapter of Exodus, God sends Moses’ brother Aaron to help do the talking.  I should remind my sister, Jodi, about that part!

If I think of it as a time to teach other people, I immediately feel inadequate and even hypocritical.  How can I teach other women about things I’m still trying to learn, and often messing up on, myself?

But if I think of it as a time to share with peers some things God is teaching me, I can deal with that.  I suppose it’s like blogging out loud, because that’s been the goal of my blog from the beginning: to encourage other people trying to walk with and follow Jesus.  Besides, God said He will give me the words to say.  I’m trusting Him to be so evident and so “loud” that I’m not noticeable.

I have a new appreciation for Moses.  I only have to speak in front of friendly women who have come to hear about walking with Jesus.  He had to speak to an enemy king about releasing slaves who worked hard for his kingdom, just because their God said so, a God the king did not believe in.

No wonder Moses was a little trepidacious about the idea.  He is a great role model, however, because he went in spite of his inferiority complex and so God used him and his brother in a mighty way to bring delivery to hundreds of thousands of people!

One of the main lessons I want to share about is trust vs. fear.  God’s been drumming that lesson home with me for a long time and this speaking opportunity appears to be just a continuation of that lesson for me.

Okay, God, you’re up.  I’m counting on You.  I’ll go if you’ll speak.

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