Disappointment to Hope

Hello, sweet friends,

A vulnerable post for you guys I felt I should share because I want to be real about this journey, this life, being human, and trusting Jesus. 

Tuesday I was scheduled to leave for Amsterdam and as I went to check in I got turned away because I was a few days short of full vaccination. It was a possibility I knew, but I went in confused and foolishly hopeful that my negative Covid tests would be enough to get me through.

They were not. 

So I was sent home with a flight out for the following week.

Not that big of deal, except that I had walked into the airport so excited that I was about to be in the place I felt God had promised me so long ago and IT WAS FINALLY HAPPENING!!!!

You can imagine the amount of anticipation and excitement I felt walking up to that check in line!

I took a deep breath before handing the check in person my papers and silently prayed, “God, Your will be done. I trust you.” 

Then was turned away not even ten minutes later. 

While I want to say that my first reaction was super chill and that I was just so assured that this was God’s plan and it was all gonna be fine, that wouldn’t be real either. My first thoughts were those of panic, fear, and doubt; it took everything in me not to break down right there at the ticket counter. Thankfully, one of my amazing leaders for this school video-called me immediately and was so kind to sit with me as I processed, and she even shared a time with me when she herself had been in a similar situation. It was reassuring and nice to not feel so alone. Once the emotions subsided enough for me to be at least a little rational, I knew. I knew this was God’s plan, and that whatever his reason, His plans for us are good and I can trust in that truth.

I continued to hold myself together (mostly) until I could make it to the nearest bathroom to lock myself in the stall and sob, (I don’t super love crying in front of people) and after quite some time in there, I looked up and right before my eyes, I saw this sticker on the bathroom door. 

“Jesus loves you.” 

Peace.

Jesus was with me, despite my own disappointment, He was with me, and that was enough. And I was reminded just how much I can trust Him. 

On the way back home from the airport we got to stop at the beach and I hadn’t been yet. The ocean has always been a way for me to connect with God. To stand there in the waves, listen to the sound of them crashing against the shores, and let His peace wash over me. It was a simple but perfect gift from Our Father, just another reminder that He is with us, always.

He knows us so well, that He knew exactly what I needed in that moment to love and care for my heart. 

God is good. 

His plans for us are good.

And when things don’t go as we have planned, it just means He has a better one. 

And in our disappointments, he doesn’t shame us or scorn us, rather, in disappointment, He draws close; reminds us of His promises, takes our sorrows and trades them for joy, gives us peace for our anxiety, and turns our mourning into dancing, praise, and thanksgiving. 

This week, I’ve seen the Lord work in my heart in ways that I never would have expected; ways that I never could have been if I had been there.

I leave for Amsterdam today. This time, hopefully, I’ll actually make it through and get to join my classmates that I’ve had the privilege to spend the week with over zoom (thank God for technology, seriously)!

For now, I’m trusting Him with whatever happens and I am thankful for the opportunity to try again.

He is so beautiful.

What a gift to have a God that loves us so.

And how thankful I am to live this wild ride of a life with Him.